Happy F***ing Raya To Me

Itinerary for raya :

1) wake up late
2) eat whatever is in the kitchen
3) smoke endlessly
4) TV
5) sleep

To all, have a better raya and a happy life.

RUANG RINDU - LETTO

Dedaun yang ikut mengalir lembut
Terbawa sungai ke ujung mata
Dan aku mulai takut terbawa cinta
Menghirup rindu yang sesakkan dada

Jalanku hampa dan kusentuh dia
Terasa hangat oh didalam hati
Kupegang erat dan kuhalangi waktu
Tak urung jua kulihatnya pergi

Tak pernah kuragu dan slalu kuingat
Kerlingan matamu dan sentuhan hangat
Ku saat itu takut mencari makna
Tumbuhkan rasa yg sesakkan dada

Kau datang dan pergi oh begitu saja
Semua kutrima apa adanya
Mata terpejam dan hati menggumam
Di ruang rindu kita bertemu

Notasi Di Malam Hari - Part Deux

A friend was in town and I took the opportunity to drive around, tried new routes and new places. Before that, during the weekdays, I had to be at Damansara to assist with the trainings. My first time driving to a place with a very confusing road systems. Nasib baik sampai jugak ke destinasi yang dituju. My new job function requires me to conduct trainings as and when they are needed. For a start, my first session was just a 15-minute briefing during a half-day training. It went on just fine and it was quite a nerve-wrecking in the beginning as I'd never trained a group of people before. Nak tak nak kena buat jugak kan, and the following day, it was much easier for me.

My weekend was not as boring as before. We went out for meals a lot for the past couple of days. Buka puasa la, sahur la etc. Biasala kalau kawan datang sini, takkan nak duduk rumah saja, kenalah bawak kuar makan, jalan2 etc. Kat rumah pun bukan ada apa sangat nak makan (although my housemate and his friend cooked some delicious cuisines for buka puasa). The three of us kuar makan melanggar sempadan kawasan ibarat kater. Dan di situ jugaklah cheq bumped into some familiar faces which I wish tak kan selalu terserempak kan? Pegi PJ, kami jumpa seseorang dengan kawan2nya and pegi Sunway pun, jumpa lagi orang lain pulak. I have nothing to be scared of, as I have not done anything wrong. It's just that our conversation suddenly terbantut bila ternampak orang lain yang you don't wish to see there. Hehehe..... Pastu dok pandang2 kita as if kita tengah buat salah besar like drug dealings or something. Sentap tau nak buka puasa pun tak senang. Maybe pandang cheq sebab cheq pakai like macam nak pegi pasar saja, as compared to they all yang tengah berdating berhias diri nak impress each other tu. Huhuhu.... *matila laser tak hengat.

In fact, malam ni pun cheq baru balik dari Restoren Rebung di Bangsar tu, kepunyaan Chef Ismail. I had a lovely buffet meal, sampai tak larat nak jalan balik ke kereta. Matila kalau hari2 buka puasa makan buffet macam tu. Sorry ya, no pics taken. Cheq ni dah biasa makan food kat bazaar ramadan aje tau. Ala2 beli apa yang perlu saja. Sahur pun tak bangun sebab malas dan if cheq makan sahur pun, I can't seem to doze off easily after that. So thank you Shah and KC for the "jalan2 cari makan" trip. I hope it doesn't spoil my diet programme. *Matila cindai........

A few friends claimed that I have slimmed down. Well, there is no specific diet that I practise. I have been consuming food macam biasa saja, mungkin the quantity dah reduced sikit. Apa2 pun I always take it positively. Kalau nak cakap makan hati, cheq memang makan hati but life still goes on. I am a man of my words and I try to keep to my promises. I have promised someone that I will slim down after Hari Raya. It looks like I have progressed tremendously (suker... suker... clap3X). Physically, I may be changing but emotionally, I am still the same person. Whatever that means.

Talking about Hari Raya, I can foresee myself spending Hari Raya in KL. So orang2 utara, kalau cheq tak balik raya, harap maaf. Lain raya, mungkin ada rezeki lagi. Bye for now.

Notasi Di Malam Hari

Kalau diturutkan hati, badan binasa. Itu yang cheq pegang selama ni. I have not been happy. I may smile and laugh at jokes but deep inside, Allah saja yang tahu. Happiness come and go and I can't seem to make myself perfectly happy these days. Segala apa yang cheq usahakan tidak bertahan lama, mungkin salah diri cheq sendiri atau mungkin tidak. Seriously I'm clueless and I do not know what to think anymore. I can only hope that one of these days, things will go my way. At times, I wonder whether my decision to move to KL was a sane idea or not...... wallahualam.

Perasaan duka terubat bila one of my closest friends, Man decided to spend the weekend in KL with me. He has been my confidant semenjak dua menjak ni. Walaupun dia sampai hampir jam 2 pagi di Puduraya, cheq yang tak tau jalan keluar ke Puduraya tu cuba pandu kereta ditemani my housemate Shxxxx and another friend Axxxx. Rupanya tak lah susah sangat, cuma 15 minit saja. It was a matter of finding the right route there.

Hari sabtu, kami dua orang started our adventure memandu di sekitar Lembah Kelang. Pegi ke Kajang la..... Sentul la (ke rumah Jxxxxxx) and finally ke IKEA/Ikano/The Curve. Saja nak menghabiskan cuti hujung minggu berjalan2 and shopping (tahap ala kadar....hehehe). And we ended up buka puasa at Dome, of all places kan? The next day pulak tatau mana nak pi, kami explore pulak the way to The Pavillion. Walaupun parking mahal nak mampus, tapi alang2 dah sampai kat situ, redah saja la. Kami bukanlah dalam league kaki shopping barang mahal2, tapi dah ada tetamu mai jauh2 tu bawaklah pi tempat yang lain sikit. Tak kan nak pi Carrefour saja kot kan?

*antara DVD yang cheq beli kat The Pavillion, Christina Aguilera Back To Basics : Live And Down Under. Yet to khatam this concert but the first few songs memang menarik. She's simply superb.

*I used to have this concert on video tape which I bought in the UK masa study dulu. Balik sini, tape ala2 naik fungus dan terus tak boleh main. So, I bought this DVD la ni (rated 15 okay) and this is one of her best concerts ever.

*finally, we got the chance to taste the so claimed delicious donuts. Masa cheq pi Pavillion dgn member2 dan ahem ahem, the queue was ridiculously long, even at wee hours. So this time queue tak panjang sangat and it felt odd sebab we all beli donuts tgh2 hari waktu bulan posa. Tapi kami posa okay....?? They look pretty yummy tapi taste biasa2 saja. Better sikit dari Dunkin' Donut.

*I'm going nuts nowadays. Masuk toilet pun nak ambik gambaq. Nak bagi hilang mengantuk. Saja la nak compare my plus sized model body ni dengan gambaq dalam IC cheq yang extra tembam tu. And not forgetting, the tie.........

Before I forget, thank you Man for coming. I'm grateful sebab ada member mai teman2 hujung minggu cheq yang sunyi ni. As I said earlier, I am not really happy in KL at this point of time. I have not been myself like I used to. Cheq sungguh bahagia di suatu ketika, tapi sekejap saja keadaan berubah. I wish I could do something to make things better for me and for both of us. Tapi sebelum sampai ke tahap itu, I'm forcing myself to smile and not feeling down all the time. Dan terimakasih sebab masih ada rakan2 di sekeliling saya. Kalau umur panjang, we'll see each other for raya, if I ever go back at all.

Aku Hanya Pendatang

Aku bagai seorang pendatang
Ke sempadan yang mengasingkan
Sedang dulu di sini aku
Bermesra denganmu

Kedatangan tiada sambutan
Dan senyuman tiada balasan
Langkah kaki sampai di sini
Terhenti......

Ku mencari kembali pohon hijau nan rendang
Di situlah kita berteduh
Dan sungainya bertali arus air mengalir
Bagaikan takkan berakhir
Dijadikan perlambangan
Tanda setianya percintaan dua insan

Perjalanan di tanah gersang
Tanpa sungai dan pohon rendang
Kau dan aku demikian
Diibaratkan.....

#f***ing hell...... i miss you so much

The Office

Setelah tidak bekerja selama 10 hari, akhirnya cheq pun memulakan tugas baru di Kuala Lumpur. I started working yesterday, taking a public transport to work. Kan...?? Dah lama tak naik public transport, akhirnya cheq bertukar angin naik LRT pulak ke tempat kerja. At first, the coach was pretty empty, tapi after stopping at a few stations, dah jadi tin ikan sardin. Nasib baik la in the morning, so everybody masih wangi lagi. Including me la with my JPG... tolong sket bukan Fantasia by Silky Girl okay?? Hehehe matila....

I had never been to my new office before. I didn't even know which entrance to use. I had to call one of the staff's HP just to ask "En Hxxxx, nak tanya sikit buleh dak? Nak masuk kot pintu mana tatau??". Matila kan? The building is pretty old, rasanya it was built in the 70s or early 80s. So boleh expect la macamana keadaan office equipments nya. Nothing fancy, just meja2 yang maybe dah 10 tahun umurnya. Cheq tak complain sangat la sebab orang baru kan and by next year we may be moving to a newly built building nearby. *Clap... clap....clap....

*gambar hiasan. This image does not represent my new office in any way.... hehehe

Kerja........ hmm susah nak komen la awai2 ni. Cheq ni dah biasa 12 tahun begitu aktif di ofis kerana my nature of work was more on service. I dealt with customers either face to face or through phone every single day. Bila mai KL ni, kerja cheq bertukaq sket. Dah keja peringat head office kan, so considered backroom typed of work la. My nature of work now is more on project basis. Awal2 ni belum ada keja yang berat2 kena buat. 3 projects are expected to run in October and I am supposed to monitor those projects. The one who initiated the projects is leaving by middle of next month. So now cheq dok belajaq la apa yang dia dah buat and take over from thereon. InsyaAllah, semoga everything akan berjalan dengan lancar.

The Journey

On friday night my sister and family came for buka puasa at out house, dengan membawa menu nasi daging yang istimewa. Sedap sangat nasi tu dan lauk pauk yang dia dah prepare beforehand. Berselera lah sikit nak berbuka, kan? And motif sangat the last day cheq berbuka di rumah barulah nak hidangkan menu yang sedap....hehehe.

And to my surprise, Zin and Man came over all the way from Penang to SP that night just to have coffee with me. Cheq mula2 ingatkan they all bergurau bila they cakap nak datang. Terharu la pulak bila they really showed up. Cha'ein who was already kat kampung pun turut serta minum2 kopi and roti bakar. Riuh rendah kat Old Town Cafe tu dengan suara kami. To all of you guys, thank you for coming and I am really going to miss you. Kalau mai KL jangan lupa let me know.

The next morning, after having only 2.5 hours of sleep (yes... I'm turning into an imsoniac), cheq pun dah bersedia untuk memulakan perjalanan. Ucap selamat tinggal to my sisters and dad, dengan berat hati dan hujan yang tetiba turun pulak pagi tu, I started my journey:


*these are only half of my stuff yang I decided to bring along. Ada banyak lagi yang I left behind for future trips. I need a walk-in closet like the one Carrie Bradshaw had in Sex & The City Movie. hehehehe...........

*sedih........... haiyo plastik sangat. Tak boleh menang award kalau camni. It took me only 4 hours to reach Plaza Tol Jalan Duta walaupun hujan sepanjang jalan. I made a few stops along the way, for toilets, not ciggie break tau...... posa tak tinggai ni.

*approaching Plaza Tol Jalan Duta.... cuaca tak best, hujan sajork. Being someone who doesn't really familiar with KL roads, cheq tersesat la pulak nak menuju ke destinasi yang sepatutnya. Tetiba saja termasuk ke Taman Danau Desa..... motif sangat kan?? hehehe... that's one of the places yang cheq tahu pegi. Dan ada orang tu gelak kat cheq bila cheq sms kat dia kata cheq sesat dan dok tunggu depan rumah dia. Always tau... hahaha. Nasib baik la my new housemate Shxxxx dengan murah hati mai ambik cheq kat situ. Thank you very much Shxxxx and I really like the place I'm staying right now.

Now, I'm here in KL and I need a moment to adapt myself living in a big city. I miss everybody back home and to my best friends in Penang, cheq dedicate the following kata2 to you :

TEMAN BICARA

Ingin ku lukiskan wajah
Malam berbintang dan bulan terang
Ingin ku gambarkan kisah
Apa yang tersirat di jiwa riang
Sekadar menyatakan rasa
Pada mereka yang memahami

Kepada siapa?
Kepada siapa?
Pada siapa teman untukku menyata sesuatu
Kepada siapa?

Ingin ku dendangkan lagu
Bersama riuh kicauan burung
Ingin ku mendaki tinggi
Mengorak dari di kala sunyi
Sayangnya aku yang sendiri

Kepada siapa?
Kepada siapa?
Pada siapa teman untukku menyata sesuatu
Pada siapa?
Tempat hendakku
Tempat mengadu teman bicara seakan membisu..........

Malasnya......

Terlebih dahulu cheq nak ucapkan selamat menyambut Ramadan Al-Mubarak kepada semua umat Islam yang sedang berpuasa di hari ketiga ini. Semoga senantiasa diberkati Allah dan dimurahkan rezeki. As for me, I'm still struggling and adjusting myself to the eating habits during Ramadan. Tiap-tiap tahun, the first few days ni agak sukar sebab selalu kena diarrhea. Being a person who suffers from gastric, cheq perlu beberapa hari untuk adjust sebab perut penuh dengan acid dan angin. So anything cheq makan waktu sahur, mesti akan "keluar" semula not long after that.

Dan satu lagi masalah cheq is that kalau cheq bangun sahur, I can't go back to sleep afterwards. Ini buat cheq mengantuk sangat in the office. Nasib baik la ni cheq cuti, so okaylah sikit puasa kat kampung ni. Furthermore, Ramadan and Syawal do not mean much to me anymore these few years. Since my mom passed away, Hari Raya is just a starting point for me to eat during day time. Kekadang tu, cheq hanya tido depan TV by noon. Orang datang ke tak, cheq pun tak sedar. Last year's Ramadan was the worst among all, for some obvious reasons. Satu cabaran besar buat cheq, going through puasa and personal problems at the same time. This year it seems like history is repeating itself and I'm trying to be strong. If it is not for my dad, I don't have any eagerness to come back home for Hari Raya later this month.

Okay enough about that. La ni cheq rasa malas sangat nak bersiap sedia nak pindah ni. Barang2 masing berteraboq kat sana sini di kampung ni. My dad pulak yang kalut dok remind me to do this and that. Seriously, I'm not really looking forward to go, especially during this fasting month. Lihatlah sendiri gambar2 berikut :

*baju2 dan seluar2 masih di ampaian (....ampaian ke?? Ani... angkat baju di ampaian...hari mau hujan.... hehehe)

*sesetengah baju cheq sumbat je dalam almari. Who cares kan?? cheq saja yang nak pakai....

*alat2 kecantikan diri pun masih berselerak, belum berkemas. Belum ada motivasi diri nak bergerak buat semua ni

*tapi yang penting, cheq dah siap potong rambut bagai.... perut dah kempis sket (*matila topless for the blog).... and the best of all, see my tanning line. Padahal tak pi sunbathing mana2 pun dalam masa terdekat ni.

*and keja baru belum start tapi dah siap shopping2 sket untuk pakaian keja kat sana. Over sangat kan....??

Missing You

"You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly......"

I'm missing you like crazy
I think I'm going mad
I simply can't stop thinking
of the special times we had.

Each moment lasts an hour
Each hour lasts a day
The clock is ticking slowly
Just because you went away.

I need you here beside me
I just want to see your face
To feel your precious heartbeat
And be lost in your embrace.

I gaze out of the window
And look up at the moon
I play the waiting game
And pray you'll be here soon.

They say hope springs eternal
Well I only hope it's true
For I can't bare the emptiness
That comes from missing you.